Happy New Year!

Happy new year everyone! i'll be suprised if anyone reads this since i have not posted in so long. I am making a new commitment to my blog family. blogging has provided a means for me to keep up with so many friends and family. i really want to return the favor.

new year's has always been one 0f my favorite times of the year. though, theoretically winter has only just begun, i am already looking forward to spring. i do new year's cleaning, rather than spring cleaning and i'm really looking forward to that in my new house! christmas is over and and a new beginning has come. many think making resolutions is a waste of time, since most of us don't actually committ to them. i think that even if you only make it two months, that's better than not at all. each year i am hopeful that i will actually create a new habit. maybe this year will be one of those years.

2006 looks very promising. i am actually very excited to embark on a new year and a new beginning. 2005 was probably the hardest year yet for me. learning how to be a mom of 3 was more difficult than i had anticipated. packing and moving again almost almost broke me, had we not been moving to our own beautiful house.
but the most difficult thing i faced in 2005 was a downward spiral into depression. i will do anything to never go there again!! it got so bad i went to see a psychiatrist. she placed me on medication but wanted to test for any physical reasons i could be experiencing such lack of motivation and depression. through this we discovered i have an auto immune disease called graves disease. it is where the body decides to attack the thyroid gland, causing the thyroid to way over produce. your thyroid glad regulates your metabolism and decides how the energy you take in is used. there was no way i could have ever taken in enough energy to off set the disorder. no matter how much i put in it needed more, thus the mental and physical exhaustion and apathy. there was always a depletion of energy. it was a little scary to be honest. my encronologist said in his 17 years of working with this, i had one of the most advanced cases he had seen for such a young person. had i not sought treatment, i would have very likely had congestive heart failure and a psychosis experience. i was experiencing almost every symptom. i had to have radiation therapy to treat it. that mad me a little nervous. most of my research (on the internet) said that radioactive iodine treatment increases your chances of having throat cancer. one of our dear friends at church had just learned she had throat cancer at the time i was learning about my disease. it was really scary for me.
as a reault of this disease, i was not able to be myself. i felt as though i had a dark cloud hanging over my head. i was forced to be honest with everyone that i was not ok. it was very humbling to ask for help in a situation like that. i'm sure our entire church knows at this point that i was struggling with depression and had to see a psychiatrist. the elders were praying for me and announced it (through prayer) to half of the deacons who then proceeded on to tell their wives, i'm sure. it was very hard for me, but it was something i think needed to happen so i realize i can't go around acting like i'm perfect or at least portraying to everyone that i am. oh well, i'm getting better and it (the depression) was not my fault. i couldn't have made myself better no matter how hard i may have tried. i learned a lesson in authenticity, that's for sure.

With all that said, you see why i am so hopeful for 2006. its nice to feel hopeful again about anything, but especially the future. these are just some of the things 2006 will bring:
1. we will all be one year older 31, 28, 5, 3,and 1.
2. Micah will start kindergarden. :-)/:-(
3. we will have a new neice or nephew(Leslie and Dwayne!!!!)
4. bret and i will travel to malibu california together!
5. we will be in our own house and get to make it beautiful.
6. i will begin finishing my degree!
7. bret will begin his masters work again.
8. i will continue to feel better and become myself again.
9. we will see bekah learn to walk and talk among many other things!
10. we will witness our children growing and changing and becoming more like Jesus!
11. God will be faithful and with us.

So, all this said, here are my 2006 Resolutions. (in no particular order)

1. commit to weekday bible study(beth moore and such) in the morning before kids are up or after breakfast.
2. take time for myself daily for shower, teeth, makup, and face. a better me will be better for everyone!!--i deserve that much!
3. become more intentional with my kids. begin to let them grow up,(just a little! ;-)) training them rather than merely taking care of them. explaining why rather than just saying, "No,no!" Creating somewhat of an apprenticeship with them while loving on them endlessly! also begin vision pastng for them their life's purpose as it is revealed to us.
4. get a tangible plan in motion for finishing my degree
5. enjoy my marriage in a new stage where we are no longer having children but raising them. i am no longer a baby machine and can more fully enjoy my husband!!!!!!
6. pray for the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness and self control) daily

i pray 2006 brings us all closer to the image of christ and is easier/more enjoyable than last year!
summer