and since its my blog, i can! i don't why i say i'm sorry so much...i just do. i don't know why i feel i must explain everything...i just do. it seems that everyone around me thinks i am "little miss perfect" when it comes to my attitude and the way i handle things. i am very sorry for making any of you think that! i have bad days...all the time. if i've been putting on a front...then i'm sorry. i don't why i do. when i found out i had graves disease, i cried because i now had a reason for why i had been so horrible to my family. to be honest, my anger is the thing i struggle with the most. if you don't believe me, just ask bret, micah, anna and bekah! i haven't meant to put on fronts all this time. its just that with it being so bad, i had to focus on what ever little sliver of positive i could hold on to.
another reason is that from the time i was 18 i've been in a fishbowl i never expected to be in. being in ministry, i could not just talk to my friends about my struggles because i did not know who was safe. since most of those struggles had to do with their minister, i did not want to make anyone look at bret in a bad light. he is good, don't get me wrong. he's just human as am i. so, its just easier to smile and nod then to be completely transparent.
i'm really sorry if i have made myself seem better than i really am. i want to be authentic.
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2 comments:
You are transparent. I know you are not perfect. Believe it or not I even knew Bret was not perfect. It is not your actions that are the envy of the world, but your spirit. Your constant seeking to do better. Your relationship with Christ and how that spills over into all areas of your life. The fact that you own up to your shortcomings. Take all of this as a compliment. Even though you are much my junior, I view you as someone to look up to. You are a wonderful person-not even remotely fake so don't you go there. Just because you don't publish a tell-all doesn't make you less than honest. You do focus on the positive, even if you had to really think a long time to find something positive to focus on. I LOVE that about you. You are worth far more than rubies. Now smile and take a compliment because you are a great person, friend and mom. Don't try to dissect and remove the compliment.
Keep it and remember it everytime you have "those moments" today. Not another word or "My spirit will close to you".
DEFEND yourself? From what- sharing your sweet nature with all of your friends? Besides, you know I was teasing you, silly! :-) But I stand by my guns... you are precious, even when you are cranky. So is Bret. I've seen him when he was having a "moment" and I just have to grin. We all have "moments". You guys are both great. Love you!
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