hello again,
i have a question for all of you stay at home moms--or for any of you who do not make money for a living. do you ever feel like a consuming leach? i do my very best to make sure our family lives as well as possible on the income we have while still using it as wisely as possible. i try to only drive three days a week to preserve gas. since i'm not driving anywhere, i'm not spending money. but i find myself in predicaments like having a fender bender that wasn't my fault and didn't cost any money, but still still makes me feel like a consumer. then i catch a pot of grease on fire in my kitchen and put it out with the fire extinguisher rather than just placing the lid on the pot. now my microwave is functional, but a little over done on the bottom!! i feel guilty wanting to travel in to see family, since it is minimally going to cost us $200 for gas and food. i spend most days playing with the girls and cleaning house. it amazes me how i can clean for days and days in a row keeping a somewhat orderly house and one day, something else takes its place higher on the priority list like a sick baby who wants to be held all the time, and all your previous days of consistency and hard work are thrown in the trash. at the end of the day all i have done is be a fulltime parent. i have made no money--if anything i have spent some by paying bills or going to the gorcery-- and have very little to show for my work except pure exhaustion. and to add to the frustration i am behind.
all this stems from a piece the Today show did this morning that bret and i were watching before he left and i got to work. it also comes from reading a blog entry from a friend who is a young mother who feels like she is somewhat of a failure. i wanted to reply to her blog and say your not alone. i feel that way too. i'm not even talking aobut the comparison game. i can't seem to measure up to my own expectations.
now i don't want you all to get worried about me. i'm not depressed :-). but i am dealing with realistic struggles and i need to find a way to handle them. anyone got any suggestions?
thanks,
summer
8 comments:
Hang in there sweetie. You rock. by the way, I love the new look of your blog. It's cool.
Hey Summer, I have no answers, just camaraderie. This week I was determined to keep up with the housework ...which I did, but then it wasn't worth it in the end! Haha, I thought I'd feel so much better by staying on top of it, but I just felt exhausted. As for full-time mothering, well, it's certainly full-time! When you get it all figured out, you can counsel me. :D And may I say, I am amazed at all the things you accomplish (as described in your previous post!). Wow. You are incredible and a blessing to your church, your family, and the Lord.
When John Mark was a baby, I remember asking another mother who was about 10 years older than me, "Is this all there is- cooking meals and keeping care of babies??" I didn't understand at the time why she thought it was so funny... she told me later she enjoyed sharing that with other friends :-). We've all been there and I'm here to tell you that it gets better. Don't buy into the world's lie that your worth is measured with a paycheck. There are very sweet times when they're all so little... and it's difficult in a lot of ways too. I can look back now and give myself a lot more grace than I did when I was in the middle of the constant messes, dirty diapers, fatigue... well, I have to say that I still have constant messes and fatigue- thankfully, no dirty diapers, but you see my point :-) One of the benefits of getting older is that I'm finally comfortable with who I am... I kind of like that gal in the mirror! I'm a better mom, and on most days, I'm a better friend and wife too. I can finally give myself permission to not be perfect- and like it that way! Bret's right; hang in there ((((hugs))))
Price daycare, then while you are at it go ahead and price eating out 6 nights a week because with all these other things plus work-you will not feel like cooking. Add too that at least ten days of nice workclothes. Add to that a housekeeper-just every other week though, to be frugal(or even once a month) Put it all on paper and put it somewhere you can see it when you want to. Think of that as your paycheck OR what you are saving your family everyday you get up and do the jobs other people "outsource".
You can't even put a price on being there for your kids. Erik still gets all moony looking when he talks about what all his mom did when they were growing up. There is a reward and it isn't the spotless home you keep or the gourmet meals you make. (Thank goodness!) It does get easier and you reach a point where you sit at a computer after a night of dominoes and pizza(Totinos) with the kids and feel good about a day's work even though everything is all undone.
Dear Summer,
I guess it always seems like the grass is greener someplace else. Since I have been working, I am just so busy everyday; when I get home my house is messy and I haven't gotten to spend enough time with my husband or keep in touch with my friends like I want to. And the paycheck is nice, but sometimes just seems like it isn't worth the sacrifice. And I just keep thinking it would be so much more worthwhile to stay home with little ones and have a real life! Maybe we should switch places for a day or two and get our fill of the other life. Maybe we'd appreciate our own more. Love and miss you,
Tricia
I really appreciate that post from Tricia. I don't even know who she is!, but it spoke volumes to me. Thanks.
It occurred to me that maybe that didn't come out quite right... I didn't mean "Better" in the sense that I used to be "bad", but "better" in the sense that I am more comfortable with who I am now and I'm not quite as hard on myself and those I love. And *that* is much better! :-)
hehe, i understand what you were saying. i know your background and that you were once bad!!! hehehe. just kidding. thanks for your help. i am feeling much better. i didn't really mean the word leach either, but it was the sentiment that at the time i was feeling. take care sandy,
summer
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