don't want to grow up

at least bekah does't want to. and to be honest, i don't want her to, either. the potty training saga continues. about nine months ago i thought i might try the same tactic with bekah in potty training that worked for anna. (i'm not sure why i thought it would work since they are as different as black and white!!) while on a trip to visit family last year, i took bekah to the bathroom with me each time we stopped for a potty break. this was perfect for anna because anna is adventurous and curious and had to pee often! about every two hours we would stop and i would let her try to go potty. well the first time i tried with bekah, i was holding her with both my hands trying to be as sanitary as possible and the automatic flush went off. it continued to go offf over and over again before i could get her down and she was traumatized. we did not try to potty again for quite some time because of the severe trauma. a few months ago i began talking about going potty and she said, "i don't want to. i'm too little." this is her thoughts on the idea. she is scared and she is "too little." in all this time i have done everything from potty charts (which she helped to decorate with dora stickers and glitter) and stickers to m&m rewards to going to sonic to get a milk shake to going to the store to buy new underwear that we have to keep "dry and clean", to potty books and videos (that are down right hilarious to a potty trained individual!!) to the last and ultimate bribe that if she will learn to go potty all the time, we will get a puppy to live in our house with us. all things sound good to her, but nothing is enough to convince her to actually make the lifestyle change. finally on sunday i decided that it was just time. i had been nice as long as i could. it was time to start playing hard ball. i took diapers, which have become very much a security blanket of sorts, away from her altogether. she was made to sit on the ptty until she went. (****note to all those reading this who have yet to potty train: don't make ultimatums when you don't have ultimate control****) she cried on her potty until 10pm (this is where i get the bad parent of the year award!) finally i gave in with some hugs and put her to bed in underwear! well i had laundry they next day but i made her take her wet clothes and sheets to the washing machine and put them in. we went to school that day with only underwear on. she held out until naptime and boy did the flood gates open when she dropped off. that is clearly not an option without some sort of super absorbent pad next time. we went home and she accidentally pottied for bret around 6pm. that was it. she was done. she held everything for the next 20 hours!!! she continued to eat and drink normally, but did not go. her tummy was as round as a ball and as hard as a brick. i called the pediatrician because i was afraid she may have created a urinary track infection. long story made desparately long....i have regressed. we are back to diapers all the time. she does not want to potty. she has never gone potty without putting up a fight and i don't know how to convince her otherwise. the child's eyes are half swolen from all the tears she has cried in the last four days. i only pray she decides to grow up a little by the time we start kindergarten, if not by then, then hopefully before her first sleepover! most of all, i pray that despite me and my inability to know all hte answers, she will still grow up ok loveing me and others and God!

weary in texas,
summer